Dating after separation? Here are three things I've learned:

Dating after separation can be challenging.

My ego was bruised and my confidence was non-existent.

I didn't have any mojo and I didn't have a clue.

No dating skills, no witty conversations, and no smooth flirting skills. Quite the opposite. I was unsure, hesitant, and sometimes even scared. As men minds and penises make best friends, this lack of confidence had a negative effect on my sexual performance. I thought of myself as a 45-year-old "virgin".

If you did some online dating before your long, monogamous, committed relationship you have some memory of what it's like. The current platforms are quicker, easier, and more efficient. At first, this can be overwhelming, confusing, and addictive.

Here are 3 things I’ve learned along the way:

1. Taking it slow - I don't want to jump into another serious relationship too soon. I’m still healing and figuring out how to not repeat past behaviours. I need to be a single male for a while, so spending time with friends is highly recommended. If I do have sexual relationships, I keep them non-monogamous. (Honesty and clear communication are key to this)

2. Love myself - Being a separated single dad doesn't mean the fun stops, on the contrary. I find that almost two years after my separation, I can enjoy healthy dating life as a single man. The key is to be ok with being with myself before I start another serious relationship. I took the time to learn how to enjoy time alone. I took time to heal and grow. I’ve done some self-development work. I’ve created a life that if full and meaningful, so I won’t need a relationship to fill my cup.

3. Think of dating as an experiment – I love using dating as a big experiment designed for me to learn what I like, what I don't like, how to communicate honestly and how to be in a healthy and supportive relationship that focuses on my growth. By ignoring the outcome, I can explore freely and be honest about my wants and needs, without fearing rejection.

How do you find dating after separation?

I look forward to chatting with you.


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