My partner told me she "doesn't feel it anymore".
I was living in denial for 2 years thinking this might change.
At 45, I left our house for a little unit at a friends backyard...
I was lonely, tired and scared.
I was drinking, smoking and unemployed.
But I still had my daughter 50% of the time.
On my first night of physical separation, she slept there with me.
I told her it was "The holiday house" and she got excited, packing her little bag.
I cried myself to sleep that night.
As miserable as I was, I knew that I have to find the strength to go through this.
I was lucky to find a mentor.
He showed me some doors to a world of self-development and men circles.
After my second men circle, I was so excited I couldn't sleep.
I felt energy like I've never felt (without party drugs) before.
I got energized.
I started reading books. Writing a journal. Working through exercises.
I went to a men retreat/weekend.
Then kept going to men circles every fortnight for 2.5 years.
I worked on the only thing I can change: myself.
It was hard. I cried. I screamed. I fell down.
And I was held, picked up and supported by other men.
I became aware. I became stronger. I became confident.
I look back and cannot remember the old me.
That guy who was so an unaware of his emotions, thoughts and actions.
I'm now living my best life.
Great relationship with my daughter and co-parent.
Studying and working on my own business.
Doing what I love. Guiding men through separation.
Moral of the story?
Find yourself again.
If you don't know where to start, find someone who can tell you where to look.
Here's some truth:
Separation is a wake up call.
It's telling you that the OLD you, passed his "used by date".
It's telling you that the OLD you was running on Windows 98.
It's telling you that it's time for a system upgrade.
Find the NEW you.