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If I’m no longer a husband, a partner, and a family man, who the hell am I??? I didn’t know.
Welcome to the separation identity crisis.
Separation meant losing my wife, partner, lover, and best friend. AND it also meant losing access to my kid and my home.
My career suffered and I also lost my future hopes and dreams.
This lead to a loss of my identities such as a family man, husband, father, and provider. When these identities are stripped back, most separating men are left with a void.
Am I still a dad even if I don’t see my kid every single day? It was a bloody tough one to deal with, as my identity as a man was closely attached to external elements.
An identity based on my relationship, status or professional career is an identity based on external factors. As these factors change through life, forming my identity on them means I can lose it.
Think about this as hats you wear. Hats that are called: The dad, The provider, The husband, The engineer or The DIYer, the footy fan. Hats are external! It’s not me, it’s just my hat. These hats fit on your head but they're not who you are.
Your real identity is based on your most basic internal qualities so it can never be lost. Acknowledging these qualities will help you find the man you truly are.
An internal identity can be found by answering these questions:
Am I kind? Am I silly? Am I open and inclusive?
Am I a good friend? Am I a good listener? Do I give good advice?
Do I support others? Do I remember birthdays?
Am I having fun at the pool? Am I showing love to my kids?
What are my values? Do I live by my values? Do I have integrity?
Are you experiencing an identity crisis following your separation?
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