and sometimes I swear she's my biggest teacher. Here's another thing that happened this week...
When I got my daughter to kinder on Monday morning, I realised she doesn't have a hat. My mind started a familiar pattern saying things like: "How can you neglect your child?" and "You should be more responsible" (Self-limiting beliefs coupled with expectations)
I was upset. Where's that hat? After checking with the ex, she replied: "Oh yes, I went after you with the hat, but you were gone". Well, I thought, why the hell didn't you text me to let me know? (This made me feel angry, I could feel a "charge", a sensation in my body. I know it's not a good idea to act on emotions, so I didn't do anything)
Thoughts that were going on in my head:
1. She's so irresponsible - she knew that our daughter needs a hat for kinder. (Judgment)
2. I have a right to be angry and should let her know what I think of this. (Emotion based thought)
3. She knew I was planning a picnic and doesn't care enough to make life easier for me by remembering the hat. (judgement + victim)
When I texted and asked her if she can bring said hat, she mentioned she wasn't at home, and I should buy a new one. (This made me feel angry)
After picking my daughter up, we raced to the shops. I was cursing on the way, thinking about the stress, time, and energy SHE (my ex) got me spending. (Blaming her for the situation is a victim mentality)
I needed to relax and breath...
To remember that maybe it's ok...
To trust and surrender...
My daughter and I had a wonderful time at the shops and bought her three hats. (Act of responsibility, taking control, out of victim into the creator).
We also ended up getting a takeaway burger for dinner.
A day later, we had a wonderful time at the picnic and used all three hats. The pictures I took of her with the hats were beautiful.
I acknowledge the lessons learned.
I often call my ex "My kryptonite" as she's the one person that triggers me the most. I also acknowledge that she's my biggest teacher.
What does your ex teach you about yourself?