The Separation Survival Guide / Step 2: The power in vulnerability

Being vulnerable doesn’t come naturally to me. This is not a surprise. Our society and upbringing made sure men feel uncomfortable being or looking vulnerable. After countless times we've heard: "be a man", "Don't be a girl" and "don't cry", we learn to associate vulnerability with weakness.

This is, for the lack of a better word, bullshit. Crying is simply a way of dealing with intense emotions. It is a natural, healthy way to cope, release and heal. If you don't cry, your emotions will be bottled up inside only to come out sooner or later in the form of violence, depression or disease. I cry. Men cry. Yes, even in front of other men.

I invite you to look at your comfort level with being vulnerable by asking yourself:

Did you ever cry? Did it make you less of a man?

How will you feel seeing your mate crying in front of you?

What were you taught about being a man? Who taught you this?

Are these "manly rules" working for you? how? how are they stopping you?

Can you admit you need help? If not, why not?

What will you risk if you ask for help? What's the worst thing that can happen?

What will you gain from having support? What's the best thing that can happen?

Millions of men have experienced what you're going through. Many are in your shoes right now and many more are added every minute. The truth to all these men is their need to survive. Sometimes survival means getting help and support, especially from other men. Asking for help is showing real strength. Asking for support is a masculine trait.

Brother, if there is ever a time to ask for support, this is it. Go and see someone. A GP, a counsellor or a life coach. Actually, see five people. At one point during my separation, I had five different support persons: My psychologist, my equine therapist, my mentor, my life coach and my parents. I called them my "Support Circle". Having professional support is the number one factor in getting over separation and doing so is telling yourself: "I'm worth it".

Want to know more? Look for the Separation Survival Guide download link on the homepage.


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