The Separation Survival Guide / Step 4: Reshape your identity

I didn’t realise what separation is until it happened to me. I thought that getting separated means not being with your partner anymore.

I was so wrong. Separation meant losing my wife, partner, lover and best friend. It is losing my kids, my home, my future hopes and dreams and sometimes my job or business. But above all else, separation means losing my identity.

In a matter of days, my identity as a man was gone. If I’m no longer a husband, a partner and a family man, who the hell am I? Am I still a dad even if I don’t see my kid every single day? It was a bloody tough one to deal with as my identity as a man was closely attached to external elements.

Hold on to your saddle and hear this: Your real identity has nothing to do with your family situation, social status, or occupation.

So, what's your identity then?

Well, try asking yourself these three questions:

Did you ever buy someone a present?

Did you ever help someone in need?

Did you ever hug someone and felt love?

If you answered yes to these questions, you are a thoughtful, kind, and loving man.

Does this sound right? Weird? How do you feel about that? (You can scan your body as you've learned in exercise no. 1). If you like, you can ask yourself other questions.

An identity based on your relationship, status or professional career is an identity based on external factors. As these factors change through life, forming your identity on them means you can lose it.

Think about this as hats you wear. Hats that are called: The dad, The provider, The husband, The banker or The carpenter.

These hats fit on your head but they're not who you are.

Your real identity is based on your most basic internal qualities so it can never be lost. Acknowledging these qualities will help you find the man you truly are.

Want to know more? Look for the Separation Survival Guide download link on the homepage.


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